I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
