He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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