her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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