Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
