I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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