Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
