OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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