He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize