Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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