I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
