i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
