So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
