That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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