If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
