playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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