Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
