my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
