Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
