that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
