Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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