Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
