I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
