problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
