ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
