I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am puke
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
