What a fucking waste of an outfit
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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