Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
