alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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