why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
