I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
