i love accidental penises.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just gift wrapped bread.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
