I cannot find my penis.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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