I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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