Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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