people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
