my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
