um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
