did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
