I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
