Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
