My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
