My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
