remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
