I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
