I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
its liver damage thursday
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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