He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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