he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
