Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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