Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I pour the whiskey from now on
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
