living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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