When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
