i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize