Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
