I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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