she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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