i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
