He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
what day is it and did you see me today?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
