I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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