He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
