New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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