tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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