conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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