you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
