Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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