i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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