Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
