I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize