awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
if only i could text you this smell
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
