i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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